Hallelujah! The Way To Heaven Is The Ballot Box

The pickets of this political fence I've been sitting on have been getting pointier and pokier day by day. I was so relieved that Joe Biden finally made my choice clear last night at his nomination acceptance speech.

If I vote for Obama, I will get everything I have always dreamed of through the largess of my government and His Goodness, Barack Obama. Without stringing a single light, Santa will be here with his sack on his back -- without coloring an egg, the Easter Bunny's basket is mine -- without parting with another pearly white, the Tooth Fairy will visit my pillow -- and all these amazing gifts will be mine, all mine:

Barack Obama will deliver that change. Barack Obama will reform our tax code. He'll cut taxes for 95 percent of the American people who draw a paycheck. That's the change we need.

Barack Obama will transform our economy by making alternative energy a genuine national priority, creating 5 million new jobs and finally freeing us from the grip of foreign oil. That's the change we need.

Barack Obama knows that any country that out teaches us today will out-compete us tomorrow. He'll invest in the next generation of teachers. He'll make college more affordable. That's the change we need.

Barack Obama will bring down health care costs by $2,500 for the typical family, and, at long last, deliver affordable, accessible health care for all Americans. That's the change we need.

Barack Obama will put more cops on the streets, put the "security" back in Social Security and never give up until we achieve equal pay for women. That's the change we need.

Wow! Where's my absentee ballot? I wanna vote RIGHT NOW for the ticket that can make and fulfill all of those promises.

Oh No! This is reality, not Santa's workshop. Where is the price tag for all that pie in the sky? What is the source of funding for 2009's bag of tricks, especially when "He'll cut taxes for 95 percent of the American people who draw a paycheck." I suppose those evil corporations will just have to pony up more tax dollars...and I know, because The Wizard told me so, that none of that will be passed along to consumers, here in the Land of Oz.

It's a terrible thing to be a wayward political compass whose needle swings to the left with glorious promises and to the right with reality checks and facts. If I'd had a voting machine lever in my hand last night, Bill Clinton would have been re-elected.

And, like the Scarecrow, if I didn't have a brain and a soupcon of common sense, I'd consider voting for Barack Obama, purveyor of the impossible dream.

Yikes...... I think I just made a decision. Alert the press. Film at 11.
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