I'm not naming names -- you know who you are.
Because I CARE about your health, I'm providing you with a few exercises right here on this page that will elevate your heart rate by at least one beat, raise your serotonin level (the one that makes you feel HAPPY, as though you had just eaten chocolate), and possibly lower your LDL cholesterol by a half a point.
Raise your right hand if you remember when Al Gore "won" the Nobel Peace Prize for the environment.
Now, raise your left hand if you think the Nobel committee is out of its collective freakin mind for its choice anounced today.
Reach down to the floor with your right hand if you could care less whom Dave Letterman has slept with in the past ten years.
Reach down to the floor with your left hand if you're suprised that anyone would EVER sleep with him.
Sit up straight and wiggle your right foot if you were disappointed in the results after all the hype about "bombing the moon."
Wiggle your left foot if you think you'll actually puke the next time someone says the phrases "health care reform," "global warming," "swine flu vaccine," or "stimulus."
Stick your tongue out at the monitor if you're sick of hearing about Jon and Kate Gosselin.
Lick the monitor if you actually follow their antics and care about them.
Tilt your head to the right if you're sick and tired of pundits on TV and the web "interpreting" and "explaining" the news to you at every turn.
Tilt your head to the left if you wish you'd never heard the name Barack Hussein Obama in your lifetime.
Tilt your head back and look toward heaven if you hope you never have to see/hear another speech from B.H.O.
Shift onto your right cheek (yeah, that one) if about 98% of what we see on TV looks and sounds just.........nuts.
Now shift to your left cheek if you wish we could turn back the clock to say, October, 1952.
Give a little shimmy if you would be embarrassed to watch 80% of the commercials on TV with a kid in the room.
Give a big shimmy if you'd be embarrased to watch them even with your spouse.
I know you're probably tired after all that movement, but here's the last one.
Turn to the East, toward Washington D.C. and/or Norway (your choice)
Raise your right hand.
Now, fold down your pinky, your ring finger, your index finger and your thumb.
Didn't that feel GOOD?