"And The Winners Are....."

The wait is over! The winners have been announced, the one lavish prize ("a pittance") and the citations awarded, runners-up applauded, dishonorable mentioners' backs patted, and losers consoled... the results have at last been posted for the 2007 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest.

This is, as I'm sure you'll remember, San Jose State's English Department's famous "dark and stormy night" fiction writing contest, where wannabe best bad writers craft the opening sentence of an imaginary novel. The Victorian novelist Bulwer-Lytton gets credit for the original "It was a dark and stormy night," although Charlie Brown's Snoopy and this contest may have immortalized it for our culture.

Entries are submitted and judged by fiction category -- including "Miscellaneous".

These are three winners from 2007 that made me chuckle, chortle and laugh out loud:

Winner of the Fantasy Fiction category:Lady Guinevere heard it distinctly, a sharp slap, as if a gauntlet had been thrown, and yet it was hardly plausible that she, perched delicately on the back of her cantering steed, should be challenged to ride faster, since protocol determined that Arthur should ride in front, then she, then Lancelot, for that was the order prescribed by Merlin, ever since he invented the carousel.

Celine Shinbutsu

Hino City, Tokyo, Japan

Dishonorable Mention, Miscellaneous

Maurice slathered on the cherry colored lipstick continually, like some transvestite from a low-budget, 70's rock opera, and plotted his next escape attempt, as he watched carefully once again while the absent-minded guard turned the knob to his prison with such ease, and cursed his Creator for giving him a luscious, silver, hairy back, but no opposable thumbs.
Cale Dempster

North Las Vegas

And from my very own home-away-from-home chat room,

Dishonorable Mention, Miscellaneous, by Laf44666

"Send an ambulance; I'm glistening profusely . . . bosom heaving . . . luscious, ripe orbs threatening to burst the seams of my black lace bodice . . . . pulse galloping apace like a knight's sleek steed . . . exquisite pain radiating down my graceful, alabaster arm, shooting upward to the finely chiseled jaw . . . I shall swoon---oh, my address?" the romance writer gasped into the phone before collapsing.

Yes I entered this year. No I didn't win, place or show -- but there's always next year. The contest deadline may ring a bell -- April 15th -- so I have time to polish my bad-writing skills.... or scuff up my good-writing skills (whatever).

HERE are all of this year's winning entries, and HERE is the main website, which has information about the contest, articles from big, important newspapers, and blog entries written by previous winners. It's all great fun -- check out the site and have a laugh today.